Lo Lee Ta.
Lolita turning 50 this year is all around these days. I’ve seen both movies but have not read the book. I have a desire to read it, but feel it wouldn’t really be all that scandalous by today’s standards. Is it the young girl/older man that is scandalous? Is it the obsession that is scandalous? Is it that she is the real manipulator? We, after all, can perceive only Herbert’s point of view because the book is in the 1st person. For me, having reflected on ‘Lolita’s but never having dated one, the scandal is that I see a young girl dating and taking advantage of an older man, and doing it all seemingly unconsciously. Lolita, flirts, cajoles, cries, pouts, seduces, and sexualizes herself to get what she wants. At least that is what we see from Herbert’s POV.
I cast no judgment on men (or women) who date someone younger then themselves. As long as the relationship is entered into consensually and both participants know what their relationship is and how they define it. What is more dangerous then the potential outcome of the relationship are the people who do cast judgment on them. People do make judgments, and they are usually not based on their on their own experiences, but on what society tells them about these relationships, which is that they are bad. Teacher/Student, Coach/Athlete, Therapist/Patient, Employer/Employee, Mother/Son, Father/Daughter. All examples in which the senior could take advantage of the junior. While we should be watchful, we should not be judgmental.
A friend recently pointed out that there are always power dynamics in relationships. One has more power over the other. One loves more than the other. Even in sex there are power dynamics. One fucks the other. And when that power is given up it makes the person giving up the power more powerful than the one taking it.
Is there a point at which one has too much power over the other? Is that why people condemn older man younger woman relationships? People think that ‘he’ has too much power over ‘her’? They fear an abuse of power? Are people (especially women) who feel this way reflecting their own experience of being ‘taken advantage of’ when they were young(er)? Let’s not judge her age. Lolitas have been around and will be around a long time, and hopefully they will continue to challenge our notions of the true nature of relationships.

